Change your Inner Dialogue

Last updated: August 20, 2026

 ❝ "I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed. Get along with the voices inside of my head"

Great lyrics from Rihanna and Eminem. Great because they speak to an experience that we can all relate to. The experience of our fears manifesting as a voice inside our head.

The voice that can say, "You're not smart enough", "Not tall enough", "Not pretty enough"

A voice that tells you to "Stay safe, Stay Quiet, and "Stay invisible"

The voice inside your head can be your greatest friend or your greatest enemy. This voice is going to cheer you on to success or lock you in a prison of your own making.

In this post, I'm going to share three self-leadership strategies to help you get along with the voices in your head and make friends with the monsters under your bed!

What Is Inner Dialogue, and Does Everyone Have One?

Inner dialogue, also called internal dialogue, inner speech, or self-talk, is the verbal thought running through your mind: the words you use to narrate your day, rehearse a conversation, plan a decision, or judge yourself. For most people, it's near-constant, though how it sounds varies enormously: one voice or several, full sentences or a condensed phrase, encouraging or critical.

Here's something genuinely interesting, though: not everyone has it. A 2024 study published in Psychological Science by researchers Johanne Nedergaard and Gary Lupyan found that roughly 5 to 10 percent of people experience little to no verbal inner voice at all, a condition they named anendophasia. It was long assumed that a running internal monologue was simply what thinking felt like for everyone. It turns out that's not the case; people without it tend to think in imagery, physical sensations, or abstract "knowing" instead, and often don't realize their experience is different until a conversation or a viral post prompts them to compare notes with someone else. This variability isn't just about how loud your inner voice is; it connects to a broader pattern I explore in The Neuroscience of Self-Awareness: how differently our minds actually work under the hood, and why that matters for how well you know yourself.

If you do have an inner voice, and most people reading this will, the question isn't whether it's there. It's whether it's working for you or against you. That's what the rest of this post is about.

I have known the acid taste of self-doubt, the stomach-churning of self-criticism, and experienced paralysis from the fear that I will be judged.

Today I'm comfortable speaking to audiences of thousands, but 25 years ago I remember needing to throw up before my first paid speech. Do I still catch myself speaking words of self-doubt – occasionally, but I follow the strategies I'm about to share with you.

STRATEGIES TO CHANGE YOUR INNER DIALOGUE

STRATEGY 1: OWN YOUR VOICE

A foundation of self-leadership is ownership. Ownership of your thinking, feelings, and actions. By owning the voice in your head, you control it.

This starts with genuinely noticing the voice, not just reacting to it, which is really a self-awareness skill. If you want the fuller set of practices for building that specific muscle, see Self-Awareness at Work.

I used to own a big dog. A Rottweiler, in fact. When he was a puppy, I knew I would have to learn to control him, or he would be dangerous. I went to dog training school, and soon realized that it was me that was being trained, not the dog!

When I was clear and confident, the dog would follow my commands, but when I was not, the dog would run wild.

❝ Your thoughts are like a Rottweiler, they can be obedient, or they can run wild. You must let them know who's boss.

As the boss of your thoughts, you can say, "Sit", "Stay".

STRATEGY 2: Evict the Thoughts that are NOT Yours

Growing up, we are programmed by the environment around us. We hear parents and/or authority figures telling us to: "Be careful", "Don't make a fuss", "Be good," and "Don't talk to strangers"

Those voices, and others, much worse, can get inside our heads. We need to recognize that those voices, however well-intentioned at the time, are not our voice.

The 9 inches between your ears are the most valuable real estate you will ever own. And yet you have had other people living rent-free inside your head for years!!!

It's time to be a smart landlord and evict those people – no harm will come to them. "Say to yourself, and say out loud and to the mirror:

❝ "NO, NOT MY VOICE"

STRATEGY 3: CHOOSE YOUR NARRATIVE & TAKE ACTION

When you own your voice and have evicted others' voices, you can choose your authentic narrative and take action.

As a coach, I have helped hundreds of people from all walks of life find their authentic narratives and live empowered lives. And just before shooting this video, I was talking to a fitness coach. She is beautiful; she is powerful. She has won fitness competitions, but she confessed to me that for most of her life, she avoided being seen.

Her Monster was keeping her in hiding; the voices in her head were telling her it was not OK to be in the light. What changed?

She took ownership of her Voice, evicted the other voices, and chose a new Narrative. Now she tells herself;

❝ "By coming into the light, I empower other women to be OK with themselves, and to know they are strong and beautiful, regardless of their imperfections."

What an inspiring narrative! What narrative will you choose? What new narrative will inspire you to take action? Because

❝When you take action with a new narrative, That narrative becomes the new you!

Personally, I have used these strategies to bounce back from some significant life setbacks. I own my voice; I evict the negative voices that tell me I have failed; I choose my new narrative;

❝This experience has given me a lesson, now I can be even more successful!❞

I CHALLENGE YOU TODAY:

Own Your Voice, Evict all other voices. Find your authentic narrative and take action toward a New YOU!

And remember to share this post or the video with 5 friends. Because by helping others, we feel better about ourselves!

So, what are you waiting for? And remember,

❝ You can't lead others – unless you first lead yourself.

This is Andrew Bryant – The Self-leadership Coach and leadership speaker – Until next time!

Frequently Asked Questions

What is inner dialogue?
Inner dialogue, also called internal dialogue, inner speech, or self-talk, is the verbal thought running through your mind, the words you use to narrate, plan, judge, and talk to yourself. It can sound like a single voice or several, and it can be encouraging or critical, depending on the narrative you've unconsciously adopted.

Does everyone have an internal dialogue?
No, not in the way most people assume. A 2024 study in Psychological Science (Nedergaard & Lupyan) found that roughly 5 to 10 percent of people experience little to no verbal inner voice at all, a condition researchers have named anendophasia. For most people, inner speech is real and near-constant, but it isn't universal, and people without it often use other strategies, like imagery or physical cues, to think through the same problems.

How do you change your inner dialogue?
Three steps: own the voice as yours to direct rather than something that controls you, identify which thoughts are actually inherited from other people (parents, old authority figures) rather than genuinely your own, and consciously choose a new narrative and act on it. The narrative becomes real once you act on it, not before.

What's an example of a negative inner dialogue?
Common patterns include "you're not smart enough," "don't make a fuss," or "stay safe, stay quiet, stay invisible." These often trace back to well-intentioned warnings absorbed from parents or authority figures in childhood, repeated so often they start to feel like your own voice rather than an inherited one.