One Style for All?
Common Communication Blunders

by Andrew Bryant
Director of Self Leadership International

A couple of months ago I was rushing to meet a new client, a CEO who required some coaching; as I was running short of time I chose to miss lunch and go straight to the appointment. I was greeted at the company by the company's marcomms manager who was to show me to the boardroom to meet the CEO. She politely asked me if she could get me anything, perhaps thinking I might need a tea or coffee. My response was, "well actually, I intend to break at about 3pm, could you possibly get me a sandwich as I am starving!" She looked somewhat surprised but at 3:00 exactly a 12 inch Subway sandwich arrived in the boardroom. Giving the CEO the opportunity to take a bathroom break I hungrily bit into the sandwich only to be surprised by the fact it was full of jalapeno chillis! Now I normally like spicy food, but it was the surprise that got me. At the end of the day when showing me out, I asked her whether the jalapenos were revenge for being asked to get me a sandwich, "Oh no", she replied, "I just had it made the way I like it"

I use this metaphor in trainings to make the point that most often we communicate the way we like to be communicated to. If you prefer people to be direct, you will speak directly - If you prefer people to build a case you will build a case. So a common communication blunders is not considering your audience and communicatng in your default or preferred style.

I have just completed an influence and building relationship training for a German bank and found I really needed to stress the importance of a flexible approach to communication. Since it was a bank I used the analogy that everyone has a PIN (personal identification number) that will unlock their resistance and allow you to communicate with them and mixing my metaphors, each person broadcasts their SSID (a wireless access point identifier) to tell you how to logon to their network.

Leaders, managers, coaches and trainers need to learn to read people's preferred communication style in order to adapt their communication in order to be understood. It may be arrogance or even stupidity to expect others to always adapt to you. There is a direct correlation between communication and productivity and so your results in work or life will depend on your ability to get a message across.

So the question is, "can you learn to read people and adapt your communication to get better results?" The answer is a resounding "yes" and of course we at Self Leadership International offer coaching and training for this and in the spirit of adding value through these newsletters here is a list of common communication blunders for you to avoid:

• Being directive when you want buy in
• Using "I" when you want team effort
• Using "You" when you want to resolve conflict
• Being aggressive or submissive (assertive is the alternative)
• Attempting to influence when your are unclear what you want
• Not finding out what's important to the other party
• Using only logic without emotion
• Using only emotion without some logic
• Talking down to people
• Asking questions and not listening to the answer

So if you find yourself using any of the above or are not getting the results you want from your team, then why not contact us to find out how to become an effective and influential communicator?

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