What's your Story?
by Andrew Bryant
Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer
In previous editions of this newsletter I have expanded upon the fact that we do not respond to reality but to our internal mental map or movie of reality. A result of this is that life can become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
We live by and communicate through stories or metaphors and because they are so common we can be unconscious of the effect they are having on our performance and wellbeing.
Take a moment and consider the prevailing story in your workplace; is work like a battlefield where you have to keep your head down and watch out for stray bullets? Or perhaps it is more like a fun park where you get taken for a ride?
Our life stories can even parallel literature and film genres, so that you may be experiencing a romance story (post Valentine's Day) a tragedy (also post Valentine's Day), a comedy, a thriller, or a documentary.
The great things about stories is that they have chapters, and in a new chapter the story can take on a new twist or turn, and so with Henry Ford's quote at the beginning of this newsletter we realise that we can always create a new story.
One of the first steps in creating change is to recognise the prevailing frames of mind of the people you wish to influence and this can be achieved by listening to the stories they tell. Once you are aware of the current story or metaphor you can construct a new one that will lead yourself or others to a new place.
Constructing metaphors is quite simple once you get the hang of it (we teach this on some of our trainings). Here is a short exercise for fun and to get your mind working - just complete these metaphor sentence stems:
Work is like a breakfast cereal because...
This company is like a rose because...
My boss is like a new born baby because...
My job is like a soap opera because...
Something else to be aware of, particularly when telling your own story, is the habitual words that predict the outcome of the story. In Neuro Linguistic Programming these habitual words are known as 'Modal Operators' because they predict your modus operandi. Modal operators fall into two categories, possibility and impossibility, some examples include:
| Possibility |
Impossibility |
|---|---|
| Can | Can't |
| Should | Shouldn't |
| Have to | Don't have to |
| Must | Mustn't |
| Will | Won't |
More often than not we are unconscious of how frequently we use modal operator words to define our stories and yet we can hear them when others use them. Examples include:
"I can't do any better than this."
"I should be paid more."
"I have to be nice to him."
As you use a modal operator, your body responds unconsciously with anticipation, tension or excitement. It's hard to get excited when you say "I have to do this" and how many of us have a long list of things we "should do" but never get around to.
Next time you think of doing an activity that will improve your home or career life, I suggest you use, "I get to", "I choose to" or "I will" and notice how your body responds and consequently the results you get - after all it is your story isn't it?