Co-munication
by Andrew Bryant
Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer
Before we start let me wish all our readers "Gong Xi Fa Cai" Happy Year of the Pig.
A key element of all of our coaching and training programs is communication. According to Wikepedia, human communication refers to the social interaction of giving and receiving information for the purpose of not only understanding, but also facilitating social connection.
In one of our recent surveys, 70% of work conflict was created by ineffective communication. The problem seems to stem from a belief that if we say it clearly the other person will 'get it' and if they don't the problem is with them.
Communication is a two-way street and occurs in the context of social connection. How and what we communicate varies depending on whether we are talking to a boss, a sub-ordinate, a stranger or a spouse. Here are some guidelines to improve your communication or coach someone to improve theirs.
Consider your message
What do you want to say? Is it clear in your head or are you just thinking out loud?
Consider your listener
What is your relationship with the listener? Are they in a state of mind to receive the message or are they distracted? Do you need to first get their attention or get them on the same wavelength?
Consider your medium
With e-mail and SMS it can seem easy to type and just press 'send'. But realise these aren't really co-munication devices; communion means to come together and we are not together when we choose the easy option. If you physically cannot get together face to face then teleconferencing and the phone are superior to e-mail and sms. And finally if you must use e-mail, make sure you read it out loud and consider how it will be received BEFORE pressing send.
Listen and watch for the response
A submarine uses sonar to navigate, a short 'ping' is sent out and the sonar operator listens for an echo. The echo gives the operator vital information about what's outside the sub. When we communicate with another, we also send out a 'ping' - the echo will be in the verbal and non-verbal response of our listener. If you know what to look and listen for you will know exactly how your message was received.
Be prepared to make adjustments
As you get feedback on how your message was received, you can rephrase or reframe your message until the understanding of your listener/s is the same as your intention. This is important whether you are communicating with one or many. A good speaker will be constantly monitoring his or her audience to gauge how much of the message has got through.
Go quickly by going slowly
The above tips may, at first, seem time consuming but it is faster to make adjustments at the moment of communication than to suffer the long-term effects of a misunderstanding.
We have two public workshops coming up that address communication issues, Communication Excellence and Reading People. Isrin Johar who works in our office, says that communication excellence changed her life when she realised that the movies she was playing in her mind were not the same as the movies being created in the minds of her listeners.
If you would like to have Communication Excellence or Reading People conducted in-house then contact isrin.johar@selfleadership.com
iWomen Presentation - Singapore Self Leadership International Director and Coach Zurina Bryant will be presenting "How to keep your ups going in your life"